Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
