Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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