She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
