don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
