What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
