Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
