So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
A bitchslap is in order.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
