Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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