My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
