If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
