He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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