Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
