Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
