break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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