Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
