I look better un-naked...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
