This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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