I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
