During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize