you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
