last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize