I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize