well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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