so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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