normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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