dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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