i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
