Well apparently he's into motor boating.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Text me some of your sweat
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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