so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
oh god was she eating orange peels again
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
