My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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