Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
