Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
