He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
