i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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