i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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