for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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