I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
