i don't like sucking hair
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
