I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
