Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
