i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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