Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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