mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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