People in love make me want to vomit
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We need a shit load of segways right now
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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