I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
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