i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
