During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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