he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
