She said her name was "party"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
