Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
