that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
