its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
