Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
