Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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