remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
