Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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