how can u be prego again
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
