Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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