I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
