I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
