I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Do vagina's smell?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
