i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
