So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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