Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
