I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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