Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm sobbing to NWA
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So apparently I’m into choking now
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize