If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
