pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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