he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Dicks are not precious.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
