i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
