i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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